this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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