Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
