Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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