Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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