I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize