Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
