Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
