no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
