Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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