I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
