Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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