i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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