i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
