i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize