Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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