While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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