rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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