so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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