I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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