You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
