I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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