Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
