Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
