I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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