I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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