glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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