If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
