Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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