I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order