Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs. http://tfl.nu/mr7a
  Replies (3) Good night (965) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US

  (703): View more from Virginia

  It's the American dream

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US (703): It's the American dream http://tfl.nu/z0hb
  Replies (31) Good night (4090) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom. http://tfl.nu/gkr4
  Replies (13) Good night (787) Bad night (3644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet. http://tfl.nu/qfk7
  Replies (47) Good night (1004) Bad night (4372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park. http://tfl.nu/ti46
  Replies (13) Good night (3186) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter? http://tfl.nu/61dy
  Replies (34) Good night (3966) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina http://tfl.nu/awuu
  Replies (30) Good night (821) Bad night (7563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n http://tfl.nu/pe4m
  Replies (21) Good night (11877) Bad night (1012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already. http://tfl.nu/vt4q
  Replies (13) Good night (2722) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome. http://tfl.nu/43xh
  Replies (8) Good night (3171) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks. http://tfl.nu/fb5x
  Replies (8) Good night (2601) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.

  (845): View more from New York

  Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help. (845): Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me. http://tfl.nu/1wp4
  Replies (5) Good night (2868) Bad night (636)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4. http://tfl.nu/tyhh
  Replies (2) Good night (1821) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost. http://tfl.nu/ucyv
  Replies (7) Good night (1875) Bad night (541)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party. http://tfl.nu/127h
  Replies (4) Good night (1036) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt

Randomize