he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
