he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
