my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
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You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
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It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?