Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
