I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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