At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
