Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
