are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
