apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
