I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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