Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
