i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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