remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
