I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
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Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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