Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
