I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
