Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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