I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
