I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
