He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
