The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize