no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You are the jesus of drinking
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
