apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
