I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
