I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
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She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
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Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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