I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
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I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
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There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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