If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
