I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
