Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
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drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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