I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
