So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You made out with two different species that night
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
