what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
