I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
