Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
