the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
