just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
