We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
