well I can't set my house on fire every night
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
