she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
