Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize