i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
