i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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