Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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