I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
