Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
