And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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