In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
