walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
