i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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